I’m a pretty quiet and patient person in general, but I don’t hesitate to speak to the manager of a restaurant if the service was poor or write to the president of an airline if they messed up my ticket. I just like companies with a focus on customer service to know when they need to keep an eye on it or improve it a bit.

However, I have this complaint and I’m not quite sure who to address it to. I know this complaint is shared by hundreds, if not thousands, of current (and recently former) Juneau residents.

In the hopes that the person(s) responsible might happen to come across The Juneau Vampire during his or her normal web surfing routine, here goes.

September 17, 2008

To Whom It May Concern:

I’m a longtime Juneau resident who typically enjoys what the city has to offer. I have my annoyances and wishes like anyone else, but I am generally happy.

However, I have one complaint that can no longer go unvoiced. I’ll preface my complaint by saying I understand that this year, the accusations of corruption, Troopergate, and the whole Gov. Palin deal may have upset those in charge. I can relate to that, we’re all a little irritated by these happenings, but the punishment dealt to the city does not fit the crime, so to speak. I would even venture to call this punishment unconstitutionally cruel and unusual.

I also understand if it isn’t punishment at all and is simply the result of an oversight by an employee distracted by all the hoopla going on.

My complaint has to do with the extraordinary amount of rain Juneau has received this year in combination with a notable lack of sunshine.

If you’re not already aware, the effect of this weather on the psyche of Juneau is horrendous and profound. A few examples:

- People have been seen disassembling their houses and constructing arcs, convinced they are witnessing the start of a great flood (these people are also gathering wild woodland creatures in sets of two);

- Without the sun, many have lost their sense of time and place in the universe, along with all skin pigmentation; and

- The more optimistic among us have resorted to a futile mantra of, “There’s always next month…” With the official end of summer fast approaching, these optimists will surely need therapy.

Along with these examples, there is a constant exodus of adventurers seeking sunshine and warmth in places where these things still exist, such as Hawaii and Mexico.

So, in closing, STOP THE F*&#ING RAIN AND GIVE US OUR F*(&ING SUMMER BACK!

Sincerely,

The Juneau Vampire

UPDATE: I’d just like to say thanks to whoever pulled strings to get the sun out today. It’s very appreciated.

The sun came out at noon!